LIFESTYLE OF THE POOR AND SHAMELESS
A pretty well known magazine posed a question online to readers about how important it is to man scape. The overwhelming response by female readers was very. Fortunately for the ladies in my life, I am in complete agreement. Unfortunately for my lower region, I handle a razor about as well as Michael J Fox after a ride on a Tilt-A-Whirl. Here is a story to ponder the next time you are trimming the man jungle.
It had been some time between "romantic" moments for me, and out of the blue an old flame called. She had evidently confused me with another guy she had been intimate with because she claimed how much she missed being with me and asked if we could meet up that night. Considering I was eyeballs deep in "The Godfather" on AMC, I said sure. I knew I could always catch it again the next Sunday.
As I was showering I came to the startling conclusion that I was rocking a Brillo pad on my groin. Now if I was better endowed, this would not have been a major issue. When you have trouble seeing the tree in the forest, this is a sign of much needed trimming. With nothing but a month old razor in stock, I went to work. Seems like I spent more money in beer that week then on grooming product. This was evident because I had a full beer in the shower with me at the time. A little buzzed, I went to work. Every razor stroke, an exercise in pain as the hair would get caught in the razor. It took about 30 minutes, but I finally cleaned up to the point of acceptability. At least I THOUGHT the job I had done was acceptable.
As I was driving to the girls house, I began to feel major itching. By the time I arrived, it felt like I was being invaded down below. After a quick kiss on the cheek, I ran into her bathroom to inspect. Well to my surprise, razor burn is a major son of a bitch. My entire groin looked like a teenager's face after eating a bucket of mayonnaise. Red marks and blotches had replaced hair as my new look. As uncomfortable and unsightly as this was, I was more concerned what the girl was going to think.
I proceeded to walk out of the bathroom and she was already in her bed naked. She also took the liberty of turning the lights down. I was beginning to think I was going to get away with my new look as I climbed into bed. We began to fool around and we were getting hot and heavy. Being the good girl she was, she reached for a condom and turned on the light. When the light went on and she looked over at the present she was about to receive, she repelled back in horror. What was just a bad shave job was the case of herpes to her. Ecstasy turned to tears as I tried to explain to her what she was looking at. I even went as far as Googling pictures of herpes sores to show her the difference. That didn't make her any less repulsed and nervous. She was convinced that whatever was going on down there she wanted no part of.
I never saw the girl again after that night. My groin became very patriotic as I had blue balls and red marks against a white background. Now when I man scape I always have a fresh razor and a good after shave nearby.
MARCH STATS: 65-74-5
NCAA BB: 25-25
NBA: 16-22-1
NHL: 24-27-4
NHL RECORD YTD: 177-143-17 +$2016.00 ($100 A BET)
LINKS OF THE WEEK:
www.realsportslounge.com/ is a sports forum site that I have checked out recently. Good group of people over there with interesting insight on all topics sports and pop culture related. Also they have an interesting way of letting you show appreciation or disgust with a post or thread. This site is a good time killer.
www.thehockeyprogram.net is a site for all things hockey. The guy that runs this site is not only extremely passionate about hockey, but spends a crazy amount of time talking about it online. I have been following him this NHL season and if you have seen our NHL record, you can understand why this site has a lot to offer.
www.danielle-dowling.com is a blog about women and dating culture. You may ask why a sports themed blog would recommend this. Fact is most guys need a little insight into women. This blog which is updated regularly gives us guys a look into the female psyche which is akin to having inside information on a sporting event. Read this weekly, and you will find yourself having a better understanding on what a girl wants and what makes her happy.
FREE PLAY OF THE DAY:
Ohio State/Syracuse UNDER 135.5 -110
183-152-12 +$1869.00
(BASED ON $100 A PLAY)
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